Loss of a loved one is devastating. No matter the circumstances. Personally, the loss of my son Brennan and the miscarriage of our first child, was devastating to me in such different ways than when my mom and Troy’s dad died. When a baby or child dies, there is a deeper sense of loss because their time here with us was too short. The hopes and dreams and plans that were made for that child are shattered in an unforseen blow to spirit, soul and body. You are expecting a healthy pregnancy , birth and childhood. Instead there is sickness, hurt or unexplained death. “Babies and children are not supposed to die” our hopeful reasoning tells us. But it is not true. They do die and in every case, be it abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, delivery complications, prematurity, SIDS or childhood sickness or cancer IT IS A DEVASTATING TRAGEDY. It is something that is not talked about much because people don’t know what to say to anyone who has lost a loved one, let alone a child. It needs to be talked about. We as a nation need to know that this is something that millions of parents are struggling with alone. All it takes is a kind word or even just a hug. Ask that Mom or Dad if they want to talk about their baby. And if they do, listen to them, hug them and even cry with them. DO NOT ever tell them things such as, “Well, be thankful you can have more babies” or “They are in a better place” or this one really floored me “At least you didn’t know your baby”. These words can compound a parents grief and cause hurt emotions that they do not need more of at that time in their life. Besides, those words are only said when the person speaking has no idea what to say. Sometimes the best way to get the point across is to close your mouth.
So, the reason for this post is to let everyone know that October 15 is now “National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day” YAY!!!!!!!! It was passed in congress on September 28 and it is a huge step towards breaking the silence on such a taboo issue.
If you know someone who has suffered this horrible loss, let them know you care by supporting them with a smile or hug.
Please go to these links to learn more about Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Remembering Our Babies
A Mother’s Heart Never Forgets…
March of Dimes
Support for families
The Fight Against Stillbirth
Blessings and love to all